Dealing With the Memories

Dealing With the Memories
Ebowalker / Pixabay

We lost Mom, A.K.A. Mother Hen, on January 10th. This Reddit response by GSnow has it right in so many ways. It feels like drowning right now. I’ve had losses before, but this is a big one. Huge one. I know, and knew, intellectually about the grieving process and that time will dull the hard edge of pain (with relapses).

The hard part is getting there.

I’m having issues with memories of the time in Hospice. The people there took such fantastic care of her and were so supportive of my Father and I. But it was still hard. Especially the last two days when her breathing became so uneven and her lungs filled up. The coughing she could barely do as her body tried to clear. Then the blue of those last few minutes. So at odds with the vibrant person she’s always been, and in fact, had been only two weeks before.

My dreams lately have not been fun. Having her in them, then turning around to find her slumped, blue, and dead.

Yeah, I’m doing a lot of crying. Crying even as I’m typing this.

Dealing With the Memories
sipa / Pixabay

After talking it over with my Father and writing friends, I’ve just started something new. Sharing memories to remember the vibrant person as a way to counter those memories of the last week. Mom had a hard life before our family and she was always open about it so she could use it to help others. To turn her pain around into something positive, to make the world a better place around her.

That’s a real inspiration. She was fantastic at inspiring the people around her. As she payed forward, I’m hoping to as well.

Mom, Mother Hen, you are still an inspiration, even now. Love you!

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4 thoughts on “Dealing With the Memories”

  1. GSnow is correct. It does feel like drowning, floating /drifting through life.
    But, memories are good. Memories are comfort when you are down / grieving. Hang on to your memories. Hugs from me.

  2. I was extremely sorry to read this. I’ve been rooting for your mother ever since you first asked for help. Words are not enough to express my empathy with you. Lots of hugs from over the pond. May you find the strength to carry on.

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