We lost Mom, A.K.A. Mother Hen, on January 10th. This Reddit response by GSnow has it right in so many ways. It feels like drowning right now. I’ve had losses before, but this is a big one. Huge one. I know, and knew, intellectually about the grieving process and that time will dull the hard edge of pain (with relapses).
The hard part is getting there.
I’m having issues with memories of the time in Hospice. The people there took such fantastic care of her and were so supportive of my Father and I. But it was still hard. Especially the last two days when her breathing became so uneven and her lungs filled up. The coughing she could barely do as her body tried to clear. Then the blue of those last few minutes. So at odds with the vibrant person she’s always been, and in fact, had been only two weeks before.
My dreams lately have not been fun. Having her in them, then turning around to find her slumped, blue, and dead.
Yeah, I’m doing a lot of crying. Crying even as I’m typing this.
After talking it over with my Father and writing friends, I’ve just started something new. Sharing memories to remember the vibrant person as a way to counter those memories of the last week. Mom had a hard life before our family and she was always open about it so she could use it to help others. To turn her pain around into something positive, to make the world a better place around her.
That’s a real inspiration. She was fantastic at inspiring the people around her. As she payed forward, I’m hoping to as well.
Mom, Mother Hen, you are still an inspiration, even now. Love you!